eniarelocin: (Squishy Baby)
Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up, it's bobsled baby time!

It Begins | 40 Week Midwife Appointment

There is nothing like going in to something like a midwife appointment at this stage in the game and hearing just what you wanted to hear.

After all of my efforts this week- Acupuncture, Thai Curry for lunch yesterday, walking for an hour with Darryl and Alice, "Indian Hot" Vegetable Curry for dinner last night, and thinking wide cervical thoughts- it turns out that we are in fact getting somewhere. Not only have I had some intermittent contractions and a lot of tightness, but I am, in fact, 3 cm dilated! My cervix is about 1 cm thick and the baby is at -1 Station (which is pretty good). I think the baby was quite surprised to get poked in the head for the first time EVER. Imagine its confusion.

So, the only not great news is that my blood pressure has crept up a little bit further, but that turns into good news because give that my cervix is favourable, Darlene doesn't want to wait until next week and possibly jeopardize our home birth. Basically we're looking to have a baby tomorrow or Friday. To accomplish this I have to find some happy balance between walking, controlling my urge to clean the whole world, and getting plenty of rest and then take 2oz of Castor Oil tonight at 2200, and another 2 oz tomorrow morning at 0400.

Mom has been alerted. The Mother-in-law has been alerted. Stephen's boss(es) have been alerted. I'm officially done with work for a while (other than photography stuff which never really stops). The house could use a last once over, but other than that we're pretty much there. The plan is to spend the afternoon with Charlotte and allow myself to be pretty much distracted with things until Stephen gets done with work for today. The plan then is to hit the co-op and get the last minute food items we may need in the next few days... and other than that, the plan is to spend some time together with just the two of us.

It's odd to think it won't be just the two of us again... probably not ever, really. Our lives, our relationship, we are about to change permanently. It's even more odd to know that these changes, this huge life event and everything that entails is just staring us in the face. We are a family- now more than ever. That's a pretty amazing feeling.

This morning I was so uncomfortable and rather grumpy with being uncomfortable... now I'm more excited than I know what to do with. I'm standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking a vast ocean- the winds of change are blowing across my face and my toes are wrapped around the edge of the sheer rock. I have my arms out just waiting to jump... and hopefully fly. Then, from the beautiful sunset on the not so distant horizon, a little butterfly flutters up and lands on my nose.

What a crazy ride.

Watch this space.
eniarelocin: (Broken Wings)
Where was I? *Ahem*

That was a much needed and much restorative nap, btw.

Midwife Appointment, Part 2 )

Butterfly Day )

eniarelocin: (Squishy Baby)
Hopefully this post will be much calmer than the one I intended to write last night.

I'm not sure where to start, so I suppose it will be the end and then we'll back up from there.
It's not pretty. )

This is not the start I wanted for our baby.

Edit: P.S.: This whole persistent anxiety attack thing this really devastating my work day. *Big. Thumbs. Down.*
eniarelocin: (Default)
So, that Petunia Picklebottom diaper bag that I liked so much... all but the colour... well I found it in "Onyx." This means black with red piping. WANT ONE. Apparently the only place to buy them new is at Neiman Marcus.

They only cost $158 new, plus shipping and whatever. And this, dear friends, is why we have Ebay! Only available used so far... but you know... for a hell of a lot less than a new one.

The only other diaper bag I've seen that I like is this OiOi Charcoal Dot that I saw at Birth and Beyond when I was there with Traci last week.

I don't like it as much as the Petunia Picklebottom one, but that means there are two out there that I don't hate.

And why is this a big deal? I will admit it: I have a bag fetish. This is the only time I get to embrace it, really. Maybe you would have to know me to understand. However, I have done as Stephen wanted and got rid of most of my bags... and now I don't have a messenger bag anymore. Nope, that's right. Me without a black messenger bag. This means I can't just use something that's laying around because there aren't any.

I know I'm the only one who cares about this, but it's my journal. And a girl can dream.

However, I did also find a wipes case on Ebay with hand painted/air brushed skulls on it. So I guess there is that. Tempting for $7 w/ shipping... but we'll see.
eniarelocin: (Tiny Toes)
Before I go to bed, I have to come back and say that I've calmed down quite a bit.

Should anyone decide to come to the baby shower, now that the Evites really have been sent out, please understand that we really are appreciative of support and really excited about the baby. The later point is really the important one. Somehow the squishy looking, round baby on the invitation really reminds me of that.

It's active time right now. Baby seems to really move and shake around midnight- every night. It is most active now. My tummy is changing shape and moving. I can see kicks and twitches. It's all very tangible and very cool. Once I find and charge my digicam we may attempt to take some video of the movement. However, somehow the baby seems to know it's being watched and usually stops when anyone else is looking. So, fingers crossed.

We can actually feel the baby's head and sometimes hands and feet. You can follow its shape up my belly and around to the baby's round little bottom (which is currently on top). Sometimes you can find feet, though I never attempt to grab them or anything ridiculous. I do wonder if we might be bothering baby by squishing in near its face, so I tend to try to rub its back and feet. I'm looking forward to doing that when baby comes out. I'm also looking forward to baby no longer having access to certain very sensitive nerves that run from my pelvis to my legs, but that's another story.

So, my final thoughts before bed:
Even though I think I'm funny shaped and look terrible, it's all for a good cause.

Almost all of the baby belly protrusion is pretty high on my abdomen, so fingers are further crossed that it's an Ellie. I must remember this everytime I look in the mirror and think I'm hideous.

The only trousers I really liked and thought were even remotely flattering are too small to fit around my belly as of this week. :( I guess I'm relegated to the baggy yet comfortable and looking even more horrible than before.

Heartburn means baby will likely have a full head of black hair and be a little Eskimo (the not PC term for the Inuit peoples) Baby like I was.

I had a dream last night that the baby was out side and I was holding her (because it's a girl, says my brain and my gut but we can't say for sure). She was a little smaller than I expect to see at birth but very healthy and responsive. I knew she would need to go back inside and that I only had a little while to play with her. She had a yellow diaper that had a ton of writing on it (warning and usage labels and what not). When she wet it, a message appeared saying that Couvage or Le Couve had occurred. "Attention: Le couve..." blah blah blah can't remember the rest. Couvage is occurring now... and there is only one definition of couver that deals with germs that might really indicate soiling, but who knows. Apparently my brain thinks it knows French. Anyway... she was a very sweet little girl and I hope I get to have more dreams.

I need to get back on a better sleep schedule and this isn't helping.

Stephen is getting very impatient with me. So I guess it's time to go.

No matter how crazy and hormonal I get, how much complaining I do (namely about feeling out of control), I really am happy to be pregnant and am really excited for baby. I'm just not very good at expressing that sometimes- especially in person when asked/prompted.
eniarelocin: (Moonlight Mother)
:) Tuesday's "Daily Delivery":

Are you dreaming about your baby? Your baby may be dreaming about you, too. Brain wave activity measured in a developing fetus shows different sleep cycles, including the rapid eye movement phase, the stage when dreaming occurs.

By now, your baby, who weighs in at about two and a half pounds and stands — or rather lies — at almost 16 inches (measured head to toe) has added blinking to his or her growing bag of tricks. (Outside in the real world, blinking is necessary to help keep foreign objects out of the eyes.) Other impressive new talents being added to your baby's roster include coughing, more intense sucking, and, perhaps most important, better breathing.

The good news is that babies born this week, though premature, have an excellent prognosis because their lungs have reached the point (for the most part) of maturity — so you too can breathe a little easier now. Of course, it's still best if a baby doesn't check out of that uterine hotel just yet — there's still a lot of growing and maturing to do over the next 12 weeks.
eniarelocin: (Raine-in-Red)
Not even dawn and I've been awoken by my cat. I was mid dream. I want to record this one as it's rather strange- I'll do the best I can, though the further back I go, the less clear the details and chronology become.

The time is this summer a little later than now. In the dream I am also pregnant, but a little bigger (about where I expect to be early in July, I suppose). The scene is primarily our house, with the addition of the Advanced Printing Room- which is something we have at the college- which has been been inserted between other rooms in the upstairs of our house (which is someone out of order). The Adv Prnt Rm consists of 8 Macs, three attached to photo printers and three four attached to scanners.

Sitting at station No. 1, is [livejournal.com profile] deathboy, who is working away on, well, work- coding. He's come to visit, but at the same time we're talking about him coming to visit like it hasn't happened yet. I'm really excited to have him out though somewhat disbelieving that he will really come (even though I'm talking to him over his shoulder whilst he sits at the computer). I cannot figure out why he would come to visit us, but am hoping that he would.

I go in and out of the room, occasionally coming to check on him and make sure he's happy (like a good little hostess I suppose). [livejournal.com profile] squidgyfishlove is downstairs working on some strange food concoctions, playing with an electric LEGO set, and wanting to go to the store for cleaning supplies (which he really did want to do last night) although I've found what I want online and keep debating on whether or not they'll arrive within the day because I don't feel like I can leave. Somewhere interspersed in this are flashes of London roof tops in Seattle where [livejournal.com profile] deathboy and I are sort of surveying for good clubs and dj spots for him.

Somewhere between guests I'm taking care of our baby- a super cute little girl. This is ominous for [livejournal.com profile] squidgyfishlove because the wife's tale is that dreaming about a girl means it's a boy and visa versa. She's wearing a footsie pyjama outfit and laying on the bed with me (which is also different from our bed). To describe her would sound very similar to Maya, but her skin is much paler and her face is thinner. (I believe that her head is also not in the 97th percentile, and only [livejournal.com profile] merrypandora will get that one.) Her hair is very dark brown, almost black with little curls at the ends. It's very soft. Her skin is very soft. She has big, brown eyes which are very bright and full of life. She cannot sit up yet, but she's very alert and smiles a lot. I'm tickling her sides and she's giggling and squeeee's with glee. There is much other playing with baby stuff involved. I carry her around as well to go and bug her Dad, [livejournal.com profile] squidgyfishlove. I'm not sure if I'm still pregnant at the point but I remember having a great deal more flexibility than I do now and would by the time the beginning of the dream seems to take place. It seems, though, that I was able to play with her for a short time and then return her to my womb because I do not see her again, and yet I'm doing the pregnant waddle, with belly, in time to greet our next guest.

The next guest to arrive at our house is Brian Warner, Marilyn Manson, but with almost no make-up and in street clothes. He's come to stay for the weekend. (Don't know if this is a current thing, but I would have imagined that [livejournal.com profile] to_rei_shi would be rather excited about that.) I was standing in the laundry room (from an even older place of residence) talking with him about the college where I work, spooky kids, and our wonderful facility and this computer lab that we have for people like him to use while they're guests at our home. It seems that he, like [livejournal.com profile] deathboy, had come on some creative hiatus and we were providing a place for them to work away from their usual distractions. Earlier in the dream I had found a couple of music programmes on the MAC's that I was totally unfamiliar with but he knew exactly what they were and how to correctly configure them. When I told him what they were he also corrected my pronunciation of one.

We had sat down at station No. 2 by this time and were chatting about the software and a few other things. I kept looking at him- pale skin, shoulder length black hair which curled somewhat at the bottom, thin frame and the concave area of his face below his cheekbones. He seemed so casual and real without all the make-up and in comfortable, somewhat baggy street clothes. I had an images running through my head of portraits I would like to do. I spoke up, "I was not planning on shooting you this weekend, but I have some ideas for portraits I'd like to explore." Apparently I'm a high end photographer by July (wouldn't that be great). He was very excited about my ideas, and said of course we'd do the shoot this weekend.

- I actually think the idea was pretty interesting and that's the main reason I felt I needed to write this down. I've had some really fantastic photo ideas in dreams and so do not want to forget them. Although, in this case, obviously if I'm every going to utilize his particular idea, I will need someone other than Marilyn Manson- though I believe the point would be leagues less poignant when shot on anyone else. -

I go downstairs, into the living room of a house I used to live in, past [livejournal.com profile] squidgyfishlove who is curled up on the couch watching a movie with his cute, blonde girlfriend, to inform him that Marilyn (though I called him Brian) was setting up those programmes for us and "blah blah" (I can't remember what else I said) and then to the door where my grandmother is standing holding a grocery bag of the cleaning supplies I needed.


And now it's time to crawl back into bed for a little while. I'm still shattered.

Can I please have real sleep again someday?

June 2010

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