Pollywog Blog: 8 weeks 3 days

So guess who's been slacking? Oh! It's me!

So... What to say here? I'm grumpy and uncomfortable today. I bought some photo gear which should cheer me up, but it's been trumped by medical bills and finding out we can expect maybe two more ultrasounds over the next seven months. The exception to this would be if something was wrong and it became necessary. This is making me sad. This is really from where the grumpy stems. I know it's pretty normal for this to be the case, but we really like the sonograms and seeing the baby grow. Not just seeing me grow- which seems like it's very close on the horizon now.

Other than that, I haven't been quite as tired lately but my brain is certainly on respite. My food cravings have really reared their ugly head this week in the form of Chinese, Thai food, and yesterday pizza. I thought I was going to die if I didn't get some pizza STAT, and it was like tasting heaven when I finally did. Of course my order confused the pizza place enough that they called me back to make sure they understood what I wanted. I thought it was good moment in crazy for me. Generally, though, if it's spicy, I want some. My stomach is really growling now, but I don't want to eat. I'm grumpy.

So what else? Stephen thinks I'm getting a little bit bigger already. I think it feels like that is coming very soon. Things are stiffening up in my lower abdomen. It doesn't look much different. You wouldn't notice if you looked at me that anything was. We, however, can notice a difference in shape and firmness to the touch. Fortunately, no one else touches me there. But I do feel bigger. I hope it's not just more fat. I eat mostly veggies and things- other than the pizza- but I still worry about it given that I'm hungry all the time. And as long as I eat regularly (in small portions, mind you), and don't eat junk, I don't throw up either. Even though I've been going for walks and to yoga, I still feel like a heifer. I'm sure this will only get worse in the months to come.

Other than that, I'm annoyed that I'm not more excited. We've been reading book after book about pregnancy. They all describe a great deal of discomfort, but the woman is always so happy about it. I'm happy about it, but I thought it would be this euphoric experience where I am housing the miracle of life and somehow connecting with that. Instead I'm low on energy and brain power and having a hard time feeling productive. Although, I've been somewhat successful (in extremely small doses, mind you) of instigating the Nesting Instinct early and getting some things organized. The big problem is that I have school work that requires a lot of time. And I have at least a week's worth of housework to catch up on. I just feel behind, and lazy, and the house is a mess, and my face is breaking out, and I can't get comfortable, and a lot of other things. I think it would be nice, sometimes, to have the luxury of time for just taking naps and to somehow really just enjoy the fact that I'm going to be a mum soon.

Why can't I seem to do that?

Probably because anytime something good is going to happen, I say I'll be excited afterwards- stressing about the details and the tasks to be done to make it happen instead of going along for the ride. Let me tell you, I was a grumpy, grumpy bride for this reason. I don't want to be a grumpy pregnant lady as well. I wish I could figure out how to chill and go with the flow.

On the plus side, squidgyfishlove is really excited. I think he's taking this better than I am.