Before I go to bed, I have to come back and say that I've calmed down quite a bit.

Should anyone decide to come to the baby shower, now that the Evites really have been sent out, please understand that we really are appreciative of support and really excited about the baby. The later point is really the important one. Somehow the squishy looking, round baby on the invitation really reminds me of that.

It's active time right now. Baby seems to really move and shake around midnight- every night. It is most active now. My tummy is changing shape and moving. I can see kicks and twitches. It's all very tangible and very cool. Once I find and charge my digicam we may attempt to take some video of the movement. However, somehow the baby seems to know it's being watched and usually stops when anyone else is looking. So, fingers crossed.

We can actually feel the baby's head and sometimes hands and feet. You can follow its shape up my belly and around to the baby's round little bottom (which is currently on top). Sometimes you can find feet, though I never attempt to grab them or anything ridiculous. I do wonder if we might be bothering baby by squishing in near its face, so I tend to try to rub its back and feet. I'm looking forward to doing that when baby comes out. I'm also looking forward to baby no longer having access to certain very sensitive nerves that run from my pelvis to my legs, but that's another story.

So, my final thoughts before bed:
Even though I think I'm funny shaped and look terrible, it's all for a good cause.

Almost all of the baby belly protrusion is pretty high on my abdomen, so fingers are further crossed that it's an Ellie. I must remember this everytime I look in the mirror and think I'm hideous.

The only trousers I really liked and thought were even remotely flattering are too small to fit around my belly as of this week. :( I guess I'm relegated to the baggy yet comfortable and looking even more horrible than before.

Heartburn means baby will likely have a full head of black hair and be a little Eskimo (the not PC term for the Inuit peoples) Baby like I was.

I had a dream last night that the baby was out side and I was holding her (because it's a girl, says my brain and my gut but we can't say for sure). She was a little smaller than I expect to see at birth but very healthy and responsive. I knew she would need to go back inside and that I only had a little while to play with her. She had a yellow diaper that had a ton of writing on it (warning and usage labels and what not). When she wet it, a message appeared saying that Couvage or Le Couve had occurred. "Attention: Le couve..." blah blah blah can't remember the rest. Couvage is occurring now... and there is only one definition of couver that deals with germs that might really indicate soiling, but who knows. Apparently my brain thinks it knows French. Anyway... she was a very sweet little girl and I hope I get to have more dreams.

I need to get back on a better sleep schedule and this isn't helping.

Stephen is getting very impatient with me. So I guess it's time to go.

No matter how crazy and hormonal I get, how much complaining I do (namely about feeling out of control), I really am happy to be pregnant and am really excited for baby. I'm just not very good at expressing that sometimes- especially in person when asked/prompted.

The secret is out! Our sushi chef knows we're pregnant. He made me a special cooked snapper roll (snapper apparently being very low in mercury) as celebration.

Stephen is being very impatient with me, so I'll have to make this quick...

We are giving into the baby consumerism only slightly. I have run across Baby Rockabyes! They are kid friendly, instrumental renditions of rock bands. They have Baby Metallica, Nirvana, The Cure, Tool, and more. I think that's pretty sweet considering that I can't stand any of the other lullaby albums I've heard. So yeah... downloading as we speak. I'm stoked.

And now for a movie and more homework. Yippie!

Well, since the University's online interface is giving me the 500 internal server error thing AGAIN!!! that means I'm finally updating this week.

There are three things of note this week:

1. We did, in fact, switch doctors. We are now seeing Dr. Mary Tsuang at Evergreen Women's Health Center. This means we're planning to deliver at Evergreen Hospital's Family Maternity Center. There is a list of classes included on their site, as well as a virtual tour of their birthing suites. I think this will be a good move. All the doctors at this health center are women. It's closer. My doctor is right down the hill. I feel better about this move.


2. I think I'm officially starting to show. It's a little tiny more everyday. Still not totally obvious, but Stephen says I'm starting to look pregnant. We're very near the end of the first trimester and I think this is exciting.


3. I found out what it's like to be taken from work in an Ambulance. I passed out at work following a migraine and a very hard morning of morning sickness. I was in the ladies room at the time, ensuring that my stomach was totally devoid of all possible contents. The next thing I know, I'm face down on the floor and people are trying to get me to stand up. So yeah, long story short: I went to the hospital. I'm fine. The baby is fine. I scared the patooey out of a lot of people, but everyone is fine now. squidgyfishlove has a much more thorough account of it on his lj. It's over and done for me, and it was on Wednesday, so I'm pretty over it at this point. Sorry it's not a better story.

Today, I got to have lunch with my aunt Linda, which is a rare treat. She has been my hero and inspiration since I was very small. She's a busy woman, and I wish I could see her more often. Interesting highlight of the conversation was easily her offering, "If you decide you don't want the baby, I'll take it!" She really likes kids, which is perfect considering she runs the Seattle Children's Theatre, but she will have to settle for being a major cultural influence. She was that for me and I would certainly be a lesser person had I been without that in my childhood.

And it looks like it's time to feed the sick husband. Seriously, the man needs to have his sinuses hoovered for the better good of all. Gah.

OH! One last thing:
For the complete coverage of Project Pollywog click here.

Well, it's late. It's past my bed time. (Usual sleeping hours these days are from 2300 to 0700.)

I've had a very blah sort of day. I don't feel like I ever really woke up. I went out and did some grocery shopping (twice), mansonitebat came by for a long over due catching-up chat, and I watched Aliens. The last of those took forever.

I feel totally unaccomplished... and my whole day is gone.

Part of the problem with all of this is that I really need to be taking naps during the afternoon but I don't because I don't think I have time. However, skipping naps even though I need them makes for a very crap day and usually results in dizzy spells. Tomorrow I shall take a nap. On the plus side of napping, we were given a wonderfully comfy chase lounge (which I absolutely adore!) which I've been so anxious to receive and haven't slept on it once. What utter poo! I'm slackin' on my nappin'.

On a more positive note, Ellie survived her first concert last night as escorted by squidgyfishlove and redkevbo. We saw the Presidents of the United States of America, with openers Awesome and Supernova at the Showbox (contrary to what I said yesterday which was the Paramount- which was wrong). The bands were great! A great bunch of guys all throughout, and a fun show. Well, fun except for the stinking drunk assholes who really impeded on our comfort, space, safety and general well-being. But, all-in-all, I'd say it was a good night, and I really enjoyed the show.

On a side note to that, I was really impressed with squidgyfishlove's efforts to keep me and my tummy safe. He seemed genuinely concerned with our safety- and that was really cool. He's also been talking more about her as person and less as a project, which I like. So far his way of connecting is to mostly get into her development as time progresses which is good, but is still somewhat detached. Now he seems to be getting into it more and wondering what she will look like, and which of us she will most resemble in appearance and personality. I think he's getting into this more, which makes me feel a lot better.

In other news, my "7 Weeks" email update from the American Pregnancy Association has just arrived. I'll add some of that information in tomorrow... but first, let's look at what happened during this last week:

Pregnancy: Week 6

What is happening with your baby?

The formations of the lungs, jaw, nose, and palate have begun. The hand and feet buds have webbed-like structures that will become the fingers and toes. The brain is continuing to form into its complex parts. A vaginal ultrasound could detect an audible heartbeat at this time.*

How big is your baby?

Your baby is about a ½ inch in length.*

So, let me begin by mentioning that squidgyfishlove and I have made an embryo. In other words, I'm Pregnant! And I'm very much excited about it. I think he is too, though he's easing into it a little more than I am.

The plan is to document the pregnancy and the progress of our little person (who we all think is a girl, even though it's too early to really know) in something we are calling Project Pollywog. This is my first entry. He will be making entries as well. I believe there is going to be some sort of website or something created where we will compile these entries, each new ultrasound, and a picture of my growing belly taken daily starting last night.

So, I'm supposed to be blogging about how I'm feeling, and my experiences... so here goes:
Even though I've felt it for weeks, I was too afraid to even remotely admit that I felt it until the end of last week when I was almost two weeks late. And I didn't work up the nerve to by the test until redcanoe yelled at me. She's scary. I couldn't argue. So, I slept with, clutching, the blanket I used to hold Maya (our friends' 7 month old) while she slept on me the week before. I was hoping maybe the baby vibes would rub off and it looks like they have!

I woke up very early (which I've been doing an awful lot lately) and laid there for a couple of hours. When I finally felt ready I went into the bathroom and took the test we had purchased the night before. I hate those things. They are so awkward. It almost immediately came up with the "+" sign that means positive result. I ran over the to the bed where Stephen was sleeping and drug him out by his arm, demanding he look at it and tell me what it said.

So, since then I've called my doctor and seen the OB. I had my blood drawn and our first prenatal visit on Tuesday. We are going to Overlake OB/GYN as we feel we will get better care there than anything closer to us. I was very nervous... I was trying not to cry while they did the ultrasound. I was so afraid nothing would be there, but obviously there is. However, even though the doc and I both saw a tiny flutter, he said he could not call it a definitive heart beat. He said it could mean I am a little earlier than usual dating would suggest (I may have ovulated even a couple of days late, but I don't think so), or it could just be because they don't have very high resolution equipment, they have the portable monitor. We are going in for a second ultrasound on this coming Tuesday at the high risk facility because they have more sensitive equipment. I am not considered high risk right now... it's just very early on and they want an accurate date. However, everything I've read says it's normal to maybe see a heart beat at 6 weeks. And my friend who does medical transcription says that she sees cases all the time, one that same day actually, of women coming in at 6 weeks and not seeing a heartbeat, even though everything is just fine. I was 6w1d for that image, so it's really quite early.

I'm quite excited for 7 weeks. My Pregnancy Week by Week book showed quite a marked difference in the embryo (it's an embryo until about the end of the first trimester and then it's called a fetus) happening in week seven. And the baby more than doubles in size! Even though I don't look pregnant yet, it's really exciting to learn about all of the development that is happening. It's also a little scary because this is the time when the baby is most susceptible to damage and termination. Basically we have another 6-9 weeks before we're out of the woods, so to speak, but I think it's going to be okay.

I have to say, I'm really looking forward to getting the belly, and really looking pregnant. Right now I feel it. I'm sick, tired, fluttery, my breasts are HUGE and sore, I get randomly dizzy and generally just don't have a lot of energy. I also have a super human sense of smell, which is weird. All of these things make me act oddly, but I don't really look different. Well... I look a little different. My cheeks are very rosy and apparently I glow a little. I'm ok with that. And even though it's probably not obvious to anyone else, we can feel a firmness in my tummy and little bit of a bump. Besides that, I'm uncomfortable in my clothes. My shirts are not long enough, no matter what I do. None of my bras fit. I feel constricted in everything except my lounging clothes- which of course I do not wear in public.

So... with that... it's time for me to go feed the glow worm. Right now it looks a little like what you see below. Although, it looked better other times during the ultrasound. You could see a definite outline with a bright spot in the middle. I hope we get a better picture on Tuesday. But yeah, food calls. This kid is a bottomless pit, sapping every ounce of energy I have. And if I don't eat, I get very stroppy very quickly. So, hopefully more to come tomorrow.