eniarelocin: (Andy's Loo)
The way I see it
Isn't necessarily
The way you see it
Or the way it is
Or ought to be
What's more important
Is that we're all
Looking for it
And a way to see it

--Desi Di Nardo
Author and Poet
she lives in Toronto, Canada

Complements of Starbucks
eniarelocin: (Tiny Toes)

Bye bye Home Birth

So, I went to the birthing center so that Darlene could check that my water has actually broken, and it has. Unfortunately my blood pressure was 152 over 92 which puts and end to home birth.

We are being sent to Anacortes to have the baby. I am officially high risk now. The worry is that my blood pressure will keep climbing (Darlene says that's almost a given) and that it will/could lead to seizure. So, I will have to wear a monitor. I will most likely have to have an IV. I will likely be given Pitocin to hurry along labor as they will want the baby out.

Our new goal is no C-Section. I've been bawling and very upset, but trying to calm down and realize that it's better for the baby and better for salvaging our birth experience. The baby is moving and ok, but seems to have rolled over again all of the sudden.

On top of all of this, one of Darlene's other moms is in need of her care all of the sudden so she cannot attend our birth. We will be attended by Dr. Larson. Also, Darlene has arranged a Doula for us whose name is ... well I can't remember now, but she'll be there around 4.

So I need to finish doing what I'm doing to get ready and read out of here before someone takes my bed. They've kicked out a postpartum mother so I could have it. Losing that bed would really top off the day.

So we'll try to keep updating from the hospital, but I really don't know how that will go, or how easy it will be.

Fingers crossed.

We're going to have our baby. I'm really sorry baby, I feel like I've failed you already.
eniarelocin: (down)
There is so much bad news and so many bad dreams.

Is anyone having a good day?!

I know it's that time of year, but I hope everything will be ok.
eniarelocin: (Tiny Toes)
Before I go to bed, I have to come back and say that I've calmed down quite a bit.

Should anyone decide to come to the baby shower, now that the Evites really have been sent out, please understand that we really are appreciative of support and really excited about the baby. The later point is really the important one. Somehow the squishy looking, round baby on the invitation really reminds me of that.

It's active time right now. Baby seems to really move and shake around midnight- every night. It is most active now. My tummy is changing shape and moving. I can see kicks and twitches. It's all very tangible and very cool. Once I find and charge my digicam we may attempt to take some video of the movement. However, somehow the baby seems to know it's being watched and usually stops when anyone else is looking. So, fingers crossed.

We can actually feel the baby's head and sometimes hands and feet. You can follow its shape up my belly and around to the baby's round little bottom (which is currently on top). Sometimes you can find feet, though I never attempt to grab them or anything ridiculous. I do wonder if we might be bothering baby by squishing in near its face, so I tend to try to rub its back and feet. I'm looking forward to doing that when baby comes out. I'm also looking forward to baby no longer having access to certain very sensitive nerves that run from my pelvis to my legs, but that's another story.

So, my final thoughts before bed:
Even though I think I'm funny shaped and look terrible, it's all for a good cause.

Almost all of the baby belly protrusion is pretty high on my abdomen, so fingers are further crossed that it's an Ellie. I must remember this everytime I look in the mirror and think I'm hideous.

The only trousers I really liked and thought were even remotely flattering are too small to fit around my belly as of this week. :( I guess I'm relegated to the baggy yet comfortable and looking even more horrible than before.

Heartburn means baby will likely have a full head of black hair and be a little Eskimo (the not PC term for the Inuit peoples) Baby like I was.

I had a dream last night that the baby was out side and I was holding her (because it's a girl, says my brain and my gut but we can't say for sure). She was a little smaller than I expect to see at birth but very healthy and responsive. I knew she would need to go back inside and that I only had a little while to play with her. She had a yellow diaper that had a ton of writing on it (warning and usage labels and what not). When she wet it, a message appeared saying that Couvage or Le Couve had occurred. "Attention: Le couve..." blah blah blah can't remember the rest. Couvage is occurring now... and there is only one definition of couver that deals with germs that might really indicate soiling, but who knows. Apparently my brain thinks it knows French. Anyway... she was a very sweet little girl and I hope I get to have more dreams.

I need to get back on a better sleep schedule and this isn't helping.

Stephen is getting very impatient with me. So I guess it's time to go.

No matter how crazy and hormonal I get, how much complaining I do (namely about feeling out of control), I really am happy to be pregnant and am really excited for baby. I'm just not very good at expressing that sometimes- especially in person when asked/prompted.
eniarelocin: (Hide)

Why I hate Evites

I'm so frustrated today. Things are not working smoothly. I feel like I'm getting behind even though I've been working most of the day (other than a three hour excursion to Seattle to drop off the house guest and go to Glazer's), and yet nothing is getting done. For the last several days I've regretted at least 60% of everything I've said and haven't said. I've decided that I talk too much and will be remedying that immediately (following this post, of course).

I thought I would be proactive and try to get something accomplished to adding in guests and sending out the baby shower invitation now that Lisa, our hostess, had given approval. Note: We were sending it from mine so people would recognize the email address and not assume it was spam. Well... Evites suck. It didn't appear to have sent it since I got no confirmation so I hit the button again and still nothing. I went back in to check it and then it showed two identical events on the My Invitations, neither of which were drafts. So... logically I assume that hitting the button twice had sent two invitations and that I should delete one of them to reduce confusion. So I went into one of them to cancel the event and send the "oops" email update to the guests. Embarrassing enough, right? No. When it refreshed they were both gone. I deleted the entire baby shower, and now there is no draft invitation.

I deleted the baby shower.

I'm so frustrated that right now I'm inclined to leave it deleted. I hate Evites. I think they're tacky, although less expensive, yes. I understand the convenience given that our hostess is in California and the prospect of mailing is certainly more of a hassle for her. I guess I'm just old fashioned and like pretty paper invitations and hand addressing things. I'm not the hostess so it's not my call, but the website is so frustrating and unresponsive! I can't get a hold of her right now. I can't just resend because the whole thing is gone.

Do we really need a baby shower? Of course we don't. Does anyone? No. But Lisa is not going to happy about this.

I'm too hormonal for all of this. I have a headache. I'm hot. All that Zen I worked on all day is absolutely obliterated at this point.

Stephen keeps wanting me to stop and just lay down or do some other relaxing thing... but I still haven't successfully accomplished anything other than unloading our house guest in Seattle. How am I supposed to relax when nothing is done? How can I sit there and idle when there is so much to do? When I have clients waiting for things? I can't. I don't do that.

Can I have a do-over please?

Edit: Apparently, if you hit the back button enough times do-overs do exist. So... it's been resent. I think it says I'm the host even though I'm not. I've tried to fix it, but it doesn't like me.

So far, [livejournal.com profile] sqidgyfishlove (aka Steve) has RSVP'd that he is coming. This is probably a good thing since the shower is for him, too.

So I guess this means the day is saved. But I still hate Evites.
eniarelocin: (Tiny Toes)
Well... 8 weeks to go until the due date. This likely means another 9 1/2 until the birth.

Stephen got hired on full time at the place he's been contracting which means we now a new insurance plan. He was happy and anxious to stop paying out of pocket for the Cobra Plan (continuation of our original insurance through his last employer) and I've been apprehensive about dropping the Cobra ever since he suggested just not paying for it back in July. Turns out all of that apprehension was completely founded. Call it woman's intuition. This new insurance plan does not cover the midwife. It will not pay for the birth - unless something goes wrong and we end up at a hospital. I, for one, am not ok with that.

So, I'm at work at the college right now. It's my second to last day before we have a five week break and there is really no certainty of any hours after that as the college is trying to cut funding (go figure). I'm really freaking out right now. I'm really trying not to lose it at work. Edit: Just talked to my boss and we will get some hours, but as per usual there are a certain amount and he leaves it up to us to divide them between us... so it's really dependent on how generous everyone else will be as to how many hours I get.

I've called the midwife just to double check with them and they do not work with this new provider at all. They said they are happy to bill our previous insurance for everything up until the 1 August when our insurance changed. Our next appointment there is Wednesday when they are going to talk to us about how much this is going to cost out of pocket for the remainder of our care including the birth.

We've already lost our vision coverage and are having to pay for my new contacts out of pocket this month. We haven't bought the carseat yet (they're supposed to be available this week at some places and later in the month at others- so that's what we've been waiting for). We haven't bought a breast pump. We've been putting all of this off until this month or next (I've been pushing for sooner rather than later, but in the end it's really not my decision).

I'm really not ok about the idea of having to change away from our Midwife. I would sooner have the baby at home by myself than go anywhere near an OB. All I need is someone to catch the baby and the afterbirth, cut the cord, and we're good to go, I think.

Maybe another job isn't such a bad idea after all... legalities aside do you think anyone would hire a woman at 8 months pregnant?
eniarelocin: (Tiny Toes)
I'm feeling cramping and not so great today. If I weren't at work, I believe that I would spending much of the day on the floor. I've been getting somewhat light headed, and was quite dizzy last night. I'm blaming Denny's food, but I'm hoping it's not a sign of anything worse than that. Also, it's raining today and there have been a lot of sharp shifts in preasure this week which has been definitely effecting my ears and drainage- so while we're at it, let's blame that too.

As long as this isn't Pre-eclampsia or something, I'm alright.

Either way, with all the back up in my neck, I think that a visit to the chiropractor or a massage would be a wonderful thing. Also, I'm really wanting to do yoga right now. That's what my body says it needs, but again, alas, I am at work- and I shutter to imagine the eyebrows I would get.

Catching up a little- I've had a rough week. I'm not sleeping very well. I've been ultra moody and really not had much of an appetite despite making myself eat. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of being tired. Worst of all though, I've not been as nice to Stephen as I could be, and I think I offended Mom yesterday. Sometimes I've been really short for no reason, other times I've just been angry with Stephen (and for some reason not wanting to let that go), other times I just cry. I cry over stupid things. I've definitely wanted to be left alone. And of course, my motivation to work has been somewhat down, which is never good.

So, welcome to 8 months pregnant. My apologies to everyone around me. Sometimes I really don't seem to be able to help it and I don't know what my problem is.

June 2010

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