eniarelocin: (Tiny Toes)

Bye bye Home Birth

So, I went to the birthing center so that Darlene could check that my water has actually broken, and it has. Unfortunately my blood pressure was 152 over 92 which puts and end to home birth.

We are being sent to Anacortes to have the baby. I am officially high risk now. The worry is that my blood pressure will keep climbing (Darlene says that's almost a given) and that it will/could lead to seizure. So, I will have to wear a monitor. I will most likely have to have an IV. I will likely be given Pitocin to hurry along labor as they will want the baby out.

Our new goal is no C-Section. I've been bawling and very upset, but trying to calm down and realize that it's better for the baby and better for salvaging our birth experience. The baby is moving and ok, but seems to have rolled over again all of the sudden.

On top of all of this, one of Darlene's other moms is in need of her care all of the sudden so she cannot attend our birth. We will be attended by Dr. Larson. Also, Darlene has arranged a Doula for us whose name is ... well I can't remember now, but she'll be there around 4.

So I need to finish doing what I'm doing to get ready and read out of here before someone takes my bed. They've kicked out a postpartum mother so I could have it. Losing that bed would really top off the day.

So we'll try to keep updating from the hospital, but I really don't know how that will go, or how easy it will be.

Fingers crossed.

We're going to have our baby. I'm really sorry baby, I feel like I've failed you already.
eniarelocin: (Squishy Baby)
Hopefully this post will be much calmer than the one I intended to write last night.

I'm not sure where to start, so I suppose it will be the end and then we'll back up from there.
It's not pretty. )

This is not the start I wanted for our baby.

Edit: P.S.: This whole persistent anxiety attack thing this really devastating my work day. *Big. Thumbs. Down.*
eniarelocin: (Hide)

Why I hate Evites

I'm so frustrated today. Things are not working smoothly. I feel like I'm getting behind even though I've been working most of the day (other than a three hour excursion to Seattle to drop off the house guest and go to Glazer's), and yet nothing is getting done. For the last several days I've regretted at least 60% of everything I've said and haven't said. I've decided that I talk too much and will be remedying that immediately (following this post, of course).

I thought I would be proactive and try to get something accomplished to adding in guests and sending out the baby shower invitation now that Lisa, our hostess, had given approval. Note: We were sending it from mine so people would recognize the email address and not assume it was spam. Well... Evites suck. It didn't appear to have sent it since I got no confirmation so I hit the button again and still nothing. I went back in to check it and then it showed two identical events on the My Invitations, neither of which were drafts. So... logically I assume that hitting the button twice had sent two invitations and that I should delete one of them to reduce confusion. So I went into one of them to cancel the event and send the "oops" email update to the guests. Embarrassing enough, right? No. When it refreshed they were both gone. I deleted the entire baby shower, and now there is no draft invitation.

I deleted the baby shower.

I'm so frustrated that right now I'm inclined to leave it deleted. I hate Evites. I think they're tacky, although less expensive, yes. I understand the convenience given that our hostess is in California and the prospect of mailing is certainly more of a hassle for her. I guess I'm just old fashioned and like pretty paper invitations and hand addressing things. I'm not the hostess so it's not my call, but the website is so frustrating and unresponsive! I can't get a hold of her right now. I can't just resend because the whole thing is gone.

Do we really need a baby shower? Of course we don't. Does anyone? No. But Lisa is not going to happy about this.

I'm too hormonal for all of this. I have a headache. I'm hot. All that Zen I worked on all day is absolutely obliterated at this point.

Stephen keeps wanting me to stop and just lay down or do some other relaxing thing... but I still haven't successfully accomplished anything other than unloading our house guest in Seattle. How am I supposed to relax when nothing is done? How can I sit there and idle when there is so much to do? When I have clients waiting for things? I can't. I don't do that.

Can I have a do-over please?

Edit: Apparently, if you hit the back button enough times do-overs do exist. So... it's been resent. I think it says I'm the host even though I'm not. I've tried to fix it, but it doesn't like me.

So far, [livejournal.com profile] sqidgyfishlove (aka Steve) has RSVP'd that he is coming. This is probably a good thing since the shower is for him, too.

So I guess this means the day is saved. But I still hate Evites.
eniarelocin: (Moonlight Mother)
Tonight sure did take a spectacular nose dive.

It took us six restaurants to find somewhere that wasn't packed or just way too expensive. It took forever to find somewhere to eat- and nearly 40 miles of circular driving. The one we did find had good food but the only other table there (after silent guy sitting behind us left) was a six top with some very loud people- they even shouted a couple of times. It must be quite something to have the entire restaurant to yourself- or awfully blissful to act like you do.

We met with some friends on the way back from the restaurant and I spit out 1 sentence thoughtlessly that completely ruined the evening, at least for me. I don't know how I could have said what I did... it wasn't meant to be taken anything like it was, but in hindsight understand how it was taken that way. I sat there speechless long enough realize that I was going to cry and there was nothing to be done about it. So I got up and went out side... and I bawled. When I finally came back it took ages to work up the courage to say anything at all. I tried to apologize. I don't know whether or not the apology was accepted. I don't know where we are now. I feel wretched. I haven't felt this bad and in the wrong since Gill in 2005. It's taken me mucking around with Photoshop for almost 2 hours to calm me down, but I still have a huge lump in my throat. I really don't know what else to do about that right now. I didn't realize I had such staggering levels of idiocy left in me.

My mystery printer issue remains yet unsolved.

Everything tonight has been not quite right. I really could have done with something being uncomplicated, correct, and even mildly successful.

Well, here's hoping that 8:30am treats me better and spending time with some four legged critters of the equine, sheep, goat, and etc varieties in conjunction with my camera will lend some cheer. Nothing lifts my spirits more than taking pictures. Let's hope it works tomorrow. (And who knows, I might even post some pictures! Fancy that!)

Goodnight World.

I always feel bad for the baby when I cry. I hope I'm not hurting it.

June 2010

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