Raine: Patchwork Girl

Where was I? *Ahem*

That was a much needed and much restorative nap, btw.

( Midwife Appointment, Part 2 )

( Butterfly Day )

I'm feeling cramping and not so great today. If I weren't at work, I believe that I would spending much of the day on the floor. I've been getting somewhat light headed, and was quite dizzy last night. I'm blaming Denny's food, but I'm hoping it's not a sign of anything worse than that. Also, it's raining today and there have been a lot of sharp shifts in preasure this week which has been definitely effecting my ears and drainage- so while we're at it, let's blame that too.

As long as this isn't Pre-eclampsia or something, I'm alright.

Either way, with all the back up in my neck, I think that a visit to the chiropractor or a massage would be a wonderful thing. Also, I'm really wanting to do yoga right now. That's what my body says it needs, but again, alas, I am at work- and I shutter to imagine the eyebrows I would get.

Catching up a little- I've had a rough week. I'm not sleeping very well. I've been ultra moody and really not had much of an appetite despite making myself eat. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of being tired. Worst of all though, I've not been as nice to Stephen as I could be, and I think I offended Mom yesterday. Sometimes I've been really short for no reason, other times I've just been angry with Stephen (and for some reason not wanting to let that go), other times I just cry. I cry over stupid things. I've definitely wanted to be left alone. And of course, my motivation to work has been somewhat down, which is never good.

So, welcome to 8 months pregnant. My apologies to everyone around me. Sometimes I really don't seem to be able to help it and I don't know what my problem is.

Can you believe it's already been one full year? I can't. Where does time go? On the one hand it feels very much as it should be and somehow like it's been longer. On another hand, we still look at each each and declare, "wow, We're Married!" on an almost daily basis. We were just discussing in the kitchen the other day as to whether or not we expect this will continue on for years and years. We somewhat expect that baby may change that.

And then there is the baby! We don't waste time, as you may have noticed. Married for one year, and pregnant for half of it. This may seem a bit quick to most minds (and I would and have said the same of others), but we've been talking about it for a couple of years. Two years ago in late summer he told me in two years we could have one. So, in my mind, that actually puts us pretty much on schedule. Coincidentally, this baby is due just five days past the second anniversary of losing the first one. I imagine that time will be sad (and I will cry because the hormones command it) and also wonderful simultaneously. squidgyfishlove has always assured me that our little butterfly would come back. Ok, now I am crying.

I don't want to ramble through this post the way I usually do so I'll do my best to make this succinct.

I will not say that this first year has been perfect. It has, as we were told to expect, been hard. But it's also been very good in many ways. I think our communication, though a constant work in progress, is much improved. We've recognized the need and value of being a team. We even made a stupid hand-shake thing and goofy "Go Team Terhune" thing (which none of you will ever see). squidgyfishlove has said this week that he expects the second year will be harder. I'm sure it will bring a bouncy baby bundle full of new challenges and wonders. I'm really looking forward to it.

Other than that, we're watching each other change. I've been told, as of yesterday, that I look older. I'm having fun poking at the almost 31 year old, married, father to be's newly acquired sympathy weight and he's worried about losing his hair. All the sudden it's easier to picture us much further along in life and I'm really trying to take as many mental snapshots of us now as possible. Of course, I'm always happy to take pictures with something more tangible as well... and I hope to have them for a long, long time.


Other than that, thank you again to the people who have been around to support us and be our friends. Thank you again to andyravensable and poggs for making the journey to be with us last summer. We miss you all the time. And thank you to those who are and will be putting up with us (and especially me) as we deal with, to the best of our abilities, finishing a hormone loaded pregnancy and becoming parents. Of course you must come and see the cutest little baby ever (yes, I'm that confident) when it's born.

Thank you.

And now... some pictures. :) These may include such lj types as: andyravensable, poggs, kevbonium, squidgyfishlove and ebonyraine, to_rei_shi, screepy, kt_bob, rjp, kiernyn_keroac, and a whole lot of other non lj types. Happy Scouting.

( A little sentimental reminder of where we've been... and yes I'm crap for not sending copies! I still need to... argh )

That's a lot of pictures... but be rest assured... there a lot more than that. :)

Tonight sure did take a spectacular nose dive.

It took us six restaurants to find somewhere that wasn't packed or just way too expensive. It took forever to find somewhere to eat- and nearly 40 miles of circular driving. The one we did find had good food but the only other table there (after silent guy sitting behind us left) was a six top with some very loud people- they even shouted a couple of times. It must be quite something to have the entire restaurant to yourself- or awfully blissful to act like you do.

We met with some friends on the way back from the restaurant and I spit out 1 sentence thoughtlessly that completely ruined the evening, at least for me. I don't know how I could have said what I did... it wasn't meant to be taken anything like it was, but in hindsight understand how it was taken that way. I sat there speechless long enough realize that I was going to cry and there was nothing to be done about it. So I got up and went out side... and I bawled. When I finally came back it took ages to work up the courage to say anything at all. I tried to apologize. I don't know whether or not the apology was accepted. I don't know where we are now. I feel wretched. I haven't felt this bad and in the wrong since Gill in 2005. It's taken me mucking around with Photoshop for almost 2 hours to calm me down, but I still have a huge lump in my throat. I really don't know what else to do about that right now. I didn't realize I had such staggering levels of idiocy left in me.

My mystery printer issue remains yet unsolved.

Everything tonight has been not quite right. I really could have done with something being uncomplicated, correct, and even mildly successful.

Well, here's hoping that 8:30am treats me better and spending time with some four legged critters of the equine, sheep, goat, and etc varieties in conjunction with my camera will lend some cheer. Nothing lifts my spirits more than taking pictures. Let's hope it works tomorrow. (And who knows, I might even post some pictures! Fancy that!)

Goodnight World.

I always feel bad for the baby when I cry. I hope I'm not hurting it.